Insanity Isn't Tragedy, It's Weird!
by Soda-fiedPsycho
Summary: Be advised, swear words. This story is crazy, so be advised of that too. If you can't handle not being able to understand weirdness, please continue at your own caution of suffering heart failure. Thank you for reading.


**Hello Soda-fiedPsycho here! I'm with a story! And uh.. Why does my story with NO story have more views than my story which has a story? Weird.**

 **Well, come into my hell!**

 **WARNING: SWEARS.**

* * *

Salem, the Goddess, was having a nice day out. Currently, her mansion was surrounded by her loyal pets, Grimm, and Tyrian just robbed an ice cream truc- Wait.. He did WHAT!?

"TYRIAN! WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME!" She whined like a kid who was betrayed. Tyrian appeared a second later, bowing, "Sorry, Mistress, but the ICE CREAM IS BEING TRAMPLED BY FAT KIDS AND I WANT IT ALL!"

Cinder was walking in and stopped, staring unamused at Tyrian. "When will you ever shut up.." She grumbled under her breath, before something cold hit her face. It slid down, and tasted like.. Vanilla?

That's when she realized, she got hit by vanilla ice cream. "OH YOU LITTLE BITCH!" She grabbed an AK47, put in the Ice Cream, and started firing.

That's when Watts came in five minutes later, after the entire place was demolished by Ice Cream.. He looked around, before regretting coming here. He walked back out the door, throwing a stick of dynamite at the mansion. Oh, and fire dust which lit the fuse. The entire thing nuked itself.

"Another day in the life of Salem.. Poor miserable Salem.." Salem whispered in fetal position, with her entire body covered in vanilla ice cream.

That's when Tyrian appeared, screaming, "Hey Cinder! I know you love Salem, but are you going to be this hard to her in bed?!"

Tyrian's body was paralyzed the moment later, a tranq dart in his system, as he fell asleep. Salem looked at him like he grew an extra limb, oh wait, like he regrew his dick and balls.

"Huh." Then, a wall exploded. In came Headmaster Ozpin with a rocket launcher full of Ice Cream cones. "WHAT'S UP LOSERS!" He yelled at the top of his lungs, while giving Salem hell of ice cream.

"What has become of my life.." Watts grumbled. He was coming back for his alcohol, but when he saw Ozpin, he bolted. "FUCK YOU, DOUCHEBA-" An ice cream cone hit him between his legs. His balls will never be near the chocolate they once were, or ever regrow to full potential again in making kids. Thank god for Aura still allowing him to regrow sperm. He fell to the floor, comatose.

"Uhh.. I think I went a little too hard.." Ozpin commented. Before grabbing a coffee cup and drinking it. "Oh well, toodles~!"

"And he wonders why I hate him!" Salem growled.

* * *

 **The Next Day**

Summer Rose walked into the room, with her mighty weapon.. Before seeing Salem on the floor covered in vanilla ice cream, sleeping. Oh, and the first thought Summer had was "Did Salem host a bukkaki" before realizing it was vanilla ice cream, btw. Summer just walked back out, before seeing Cinder flipping her off. "YO BITCH, WAIT TILL TOMORROW TO DIE! SALEM HAD A BUKK-" "bukkaki? It does look like it doesn't it?"

They both stared at each other before laughing, "wanna paint her face?!"

Summer looked at Cinder like she was a goddess. "Yes."

And that is how, forty minutes later, a recorded footage of Salem being drawn on with different images on her face was uploaded to the internet. Oh, and a recording of Salem nearly crucifiying Summer before Cinder helped her escape.

"Cinder, it was nice knowing you, bye!" Summer yelled out like a little kid, before rushing away at the speed of light. Not even Sonic was fast enough to keep up. By the time Summer arrived home, she heard giggling and full blown laughter. She opened the door to see Tai and Yang laughing their asses off while Ruby was giggling.

"Uh.. Sweeties, I'm home.. What are you doing?" Ruby rushed over, "Mom! I saw the video you uploaded! TELL ME HOW TO-! :D" Ruby rushed out at 500 mph in vocal cord strain, which didn't exist for her somehow, but was cut off by Summer's hand. Summer looked at her before having a sparkle in her eye, and whispering, "I'll show you the ways at 9:00 PM.. Just wait for me, little Rose.. We'll prank dad. "

By the time the clock hit 9 PM, Ruby and Summer were in a dojo room that was apparently Raven's old room. "Alright.. First, put this joy buzzer in Tai's pillow, along with lightning dust inside.. He'll gain one heck of a shock.." Summer giggled while musing. "Now go! Little Pranking Hood operation #1 is a go!"

* * *

 **The Very Next Day**

A duck waddled up and quacked in front of the screen like a madman, waking everyone up. "WHAT THE HE-" Then, we all heard Tai's shout and sudden cries of electrocution. "YES, STRIKE ONE!" an energetic voice cheered. Laughing was heard inside the house.

Then, Salem appeared, "YO BITCHES, WAZZUP, I'm HERE DAWGZ"

What she was wearing was weird. She looked like a knock-off rapper. "Iz Salem in Da Buildz! I knock ur house out with my skillz, i pay none of ya bills, steal off yall like a parasite, karate choppin ozpin cause im always wrong and he's always right-" Salem rapped, before a sudden boot collided with her neck and threw her across the floor.

It was none other than a dude drop kicking her. That dude's name was.. Dude.

"Sup, dudes and dudettes, it is I, Dude! And I have come to Dud-" Dude suddenly dies. R.I.P!

Dude lets out an OOF sound before his head is disconnected by the Force. Darth Vader was force choking him!

 _ **CUT**_

Dude lets out an OOF sound before his head is disconnected by a scorpion tale. "It is I, Tyrian, the Fat Kid Chaser and Ice Cream Truck madman!" He said, before everyone in the house except him was engulfed in rainbow ice cream. He started cackling, "FACE MY ICE CREAM WRATH, FOOLS!"

Neopolitan appeared and ate all of the Ice Cream for cleaning. "Oh. A little girl. WHO CARES!"

Ruby suddenly kicked a random guy trying to sneak behind so she kicked him in the nuts so hard, he'd need prosthetics if they had no aura. Luckily for Mercury Black, he had Aura. He dropped to the floor. Emerald was laughing at him. "YOU CAN'T EVEN SNEAK UP ON A LITTLE GIRL!"

Then, Ozpin appeared. "Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to your torment."

* * *

 **Ruby woke with a start**

 **Wait..** Was I dreaming? I looked around to see Weiss and Blake still gone, they left yesterday apparently to get supplies.. I think I was dreaming to be honest. Oh well..

* * *

 _ **Narrator:**_ **And so, the Rose who I'm totally not going to make love Jaune thought it was a dream, when it was really.. Just… a… Nightmare. :)**

 **Anyways, tune in next time for some more crazy shit, but this time, it happens for real! Like for fucks sakes!**

 **Scene number one for weirdness!**

* * *

"Ruby Rose, you.. Have silver.. Eyes.." Ozpin stated, before Glynda screamed at him, "FUCKING PEDOPHILE!" and bitch smacked him silly. "OW OW I WAS JUST KIDDING U DOMINATRIX FUCKING HAG, IF U WANNA PUT UR TITS TO GOOD USE, USE EM' BITCH!"

Meanwhile, Ruby was looking between them with a confused look, before she finally caught up and SPED AWAY LIKE FUCKING SONIC!

"NOPE NOPE NOPE NO-" hits Stop Sign.

"That's ironic…" Ruby falls unconscious.

* * *

 **Hey guys, remember me? Soda-fiedPsycho?! Insane guy who made Null No Longer! Well great, I don't remember you but I don't need to, you just want a story! Well, here's chapter one, INSANITY!**


End file.
